There is no doubt year two is different than year one. It seems like last year around the holidays, I was existing, doing my best to get through and figure out this new life. I honestly didn’t remember much about Thanksgiving last year. This year for Thanksgiving, it was the boys and me, by choice. It felt weird to be just the three of us. Not sorrowful, just strange. We seem to enjoy each other’s company in ways we never had before. We appreciated time together.
The first holiday after a loss feels like an obligation. The second one feels like a burden you place on others. You don’t want to be a reminder of the loss and you don’t want to make the holiday sad. I don’t know what year three will feel like, but I am sure I will write about it. The hopeful side of me dreams of new beginnings. The faithful side of me puts in all in God’s hands.
I don’t feel sad. I am not sure if it is that way for all my windowed friends, but I can tell you for sure I am not as sad this year as I was last year. I think a lot of it has to do with all the special people in my life. My sons have supported me in ways they will never fully understand until they have spouses themselves. I do, however, think they have a very good understanding of love and support.
My fellow widow friends have been amazing. Late-night calls and texts, reassuring me I am not crazy. They are always sending me notes, flowers, words of encouragement at the moments I need them the most. And then there is that one special person. That one very special person who lifts you in ways you never thought you would ever have again. A certain way you thought you lost forever in your forever love.
That one special person shows up and grabs ahold of your sorrow and turns it into joy. Making you feel so beautiful, safe and loved. The one special person who does things for you that makes you want to celebrate again. Live again. Love again.
I don’t know why God gave me a plan b. The “one special person” times two. I am very aware of how blessed I am. I am not boastful; I am grateful. I don’t take any moment I have with people in my life for granted. I might be more conservative with what I do with my time, but the loss does that to you. It makes you want another tomorrow and love that you had today.
As you sway into the holidays, enjoy all the special people in your life and be open to the new ones who might enter. Love as much as you can today and then love, even more, tomorrow.