This time last month, I was in an office signing the official documents to handover the only home John, and I ever owned. This week the paperwork came in the mail showing our home was officially paid off. The documents had two holes in the top, was in old type font, and yellow. Just indications of how old they were. As I thumbed through each page I got to the last page and noticed both John and my signatures. I caught myself getting a little choked up, as it has been over two years since I have seen his signature on anything.
The past month and a half, my life has settled down, and a routine has begun to develop. In the office some days and working from home others. I do my best to workout at least two days a week. Bella, my dog, goes with me everywhere. I am so glad I have her. She brings me such comfort.
I love where I am, and everything, for the most part, feels right. I took a big risk selling the only home I have ever owned. It was safe. There is no reason I needed to sell other than “forward movement.” I don’t know I could have spent another winter there, especially alone.
It was important the boys and I continue to move forward. In my mind, the boys should have been thinking about moving on weather their father was alive or had passed. It’s only the natural progression of growing up and me becoming an empty nester. I just never anticipated I would be nesting alone.
But I promised myself to live fearlessly and trusting God would take care of me. I have. God always does!
Seeing the boys now brings me joy in ways I took for granted before. I think they feel the same way. We still text and call. I still have to help them with things as they navigate adulthood. They are good, and I have full confidence they will continue to thrive. God has blessed me with strong love, and I will continue to be strong love for them and all who surround me.
Life is peaceful. Less complicated. No one to worry about except me. It often reminds me of my late teens and early twenties when I was by myself learning how to survive. Now, I am a pro at survival. Time has made me wiser. But it’s hard to change what your heart wants and my heart wants my family back.
I have nothing to complain about; I am alive. I am blessed. I get to witness beautiful skies and God continues to give me the opportunities to bring faith, hope, courage, strength, inspiration and, most of all LOVE into this world.