When your world keeps falling apart it can be difficult to pick yourself up each time it happens. Trust me I know.
In some of our late night talks before John passed he would tell me when he gets to heaven, he will tell God to give me a break. The year after his death I thought maybe, just maybe, he got a chance to deliver the message. Although I was in a complete grief fog, I did think my luck had changed.
I can tell you after a year and four months it has not and it’s really not about luck at all. Life is still life and things don’t always go as you hoped they would. Just because I lost my husband doesn’t give me a pass. Life still happens, disappointments still surface and things don’t go according to plan.
Life is chaotic and beautiful. Its what always keeps me on guard and completely engaged. Don’t get me wrong, I get depressed. It hurts. I need time to re-evaluate. Time to think.
I know I will survive. Just like I have countless times. I have to pick myself up, shake things off and keep moving forward. And that is what I will do.
Life is ever-changing, even when we wish just for a while it would stay the same. Friends move on, family dynamics change, and new people enter your life. Some for a while. Some for a lifetime.
Change is inevitable. Life falls apart. Sometimes you have to dig deep to find the strength to pick yourself back up. I like to think I am older and wiser in knowing how to do it, but I have to admit I am running out of steam. So I will do what I have done over the past 497 days. I will give myself time. I won’t be so hard on myself and I will trust I am lacking nothing to get me through. I will use what God gave me.